spooked.

Haven’t written in ages. Not sure what to say, frankly. What do you do when you find out that someone random is reading your blog?

Well, that’s kind of of the point of blog-writing, you say. You *want* random people to read your blog, don’t you?

Of course, I say. I just didn’t expect a certain person who I’ve never met to read my blog. To want to know about my life. To look me up because of who I associate with and keep an eye on me. My skin has been crawling for months because someone I’ve never met (and never want to) is watching me. Maybe it was a one-time thing? I certainly hope so. But I’m too much of a mama bear to open myself and my family up to the possibility that it might not be.

Yes, I’m being a pussy (pardon my French).  I haven’t yet figured out how to be authentic and real and myself use this writing for an outlet that helps me cope with the stresses of my life while knowing that some lurkers aren’t just readers who haven’t yet commented.

Sorry I’m creeped out; I don’t have much to say these days. Oh, but creepy lurker watching me? Bring it. Big D married my ass two months ago; I’m not going anywhere.

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2 responses to “spooked.

  1. I know how you feel. I know because having worked in computer security and doing research in that area, I am a little paranoid about what I write and when. But I struggle with the desire to express myself.

    The flip side of the coin is that I use the internet as a tool. And I have often used ‘dummy’ accounts to look up information I felt I needed. So if people see a ‘random’ person on their blog or website or get some strange FB requests, that is usually me (not in your case) digging up dirt.

    You and I both know how useful that can be.

    So when a certain GF finally figured out how to manage her FB privacy settings, I … worked on a way around it. Nothing illegal, but come on. If she’s hiding, she’s clearly got something to hide.

    Anyway, when I find myself feeling stalked online, I try to think about things that would make me feel vulnerable, and I ‘fix’ those things. Other than the privacy of my kids, it’s usually something I can do something about so I don’t care what someone says about me.

    But it does suck.

    The other useful thing is having friends who can check on information from other parts of the country. So one friend in particular who teaches classes in social networking, will often use my info requests as challenges for his students, for them to earn extra credit.

    I know that must freak people out, to suddenly have fifteen random people suddenly ping you from all directions.

    Finding fat pictures of GF, entertaining. Finally finding a long-lost best friend from high school, priceless.

  2. Been there, though not with someone I’d never met! Does la cousine folle count? I know with Blogger you can close the blog only to certain readers who have to log in before reading. Not that that’s much consolation, but I don’t think you should stop writing just because of some wacko.

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