I just crafted this for a silent auction at our church – and it turned out well enough to share, I think. Feel free to come and bid!
Strong Back; Weak Mind
Although he’s not as young as he used to be, [Big D] is built for labor. He makes lifting 225 pounds over his head look effortless, and he’s been known to move many large, heavy pieces of furniture with ease. Since he grew up on a farm in North Carolina, [Big D] is also skilled in such areas as shoveling manure, throwing hay bales, and digging holes. He’s handy enough for basic or intermediate yard or house work.
But wait! There’s more. Not only is he skilled in manual labor, he’s great for entertaining, philosophizing, or heated political debate. [Big D] is a former conservative who “saw the light” and now considers himself politically progressive. However, he debates like Bill O’Reilly’s minions and can poke a hole in any argument. Working on his Master’s degree in Public Policy, he can discuss the price of tea in China or the rising natural gas prices in Turkmenistan. [Big D] is particularly proud of his Arnold Schwartzenegger impression.
Up for auction are two hours of [Big D]’s back, [Big D]’s brain, or both. If you want to chat about Nazi Germany while getting your front door painted, [Big D]’s your man! Bid price is per hour; depending on your project, more hours are available if needed (or if you really like to talk).